Deciding whether or not to have kids is a deeply personal choice. But for people who are childfree by choice, that decision often seems to invite a surprising amount of unsolicited commentary from others.
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Recently, u/Charming_Web_6738 asked: “People who are childfree by choice, what’s the weirdest reason someone has given you for why they think you should have kids?” In the thread, she explained that she’s a 17-year-old who currently doesn’t plan to have children, in part because of mental health concerns that make her feel she wouldn’t be a great mother. After receiving some unusual reactions when she shared that, she turned to the internet to hear what kinds of responses other childfree people have gotten.
The question struck a nerve, and people quickly began sharing some of the strangest arguments they’ve heard — from guilt trips about hypothetical grandchildren to claims that parenthood is the only way to experience “real love.” Here are some of the most memorable responses:
1. “‘You get early boarding on airplanes.’ *****, what?”
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2. “A few years ago, I was hanging out at a bar with my best friend, who is childfree by choice. A drunk woman overheard us talking and told her she should have kids because other women can’t. The logic was basically: ‘You should spend tens of thousands of dollars and sacrifice your income and free time because someone else is infertile.’ Such a wild take.”
“It’s an extreme version of ‘Clean your plate. There are kids starving in Ethiopia.'”
3. “‘Maybe if you got pregnant, your husband wouldn’t be so angry all the time.'”
“The number one cause of death for pregnant women is being murdered by their husbands.”
4. “Because a hypothetical man in the future may want you to.”
5. “‘Because all your friends will have kids and you’ll be lonely.’ First of all, fear of missing out does not seem like a good reason to create a human being. Second, I’m a 40-year-old woman, and all my friends’ kids are older now. Those same friends are dying to hang out with me, do adult activities, and talk about adult stuff. No loneliness here.”
6. “Because I’m good with kids. I love kids that I’m related to. And I love leaving them with their parents when I go home. People seem to think being childfree means hating children. A very small number of people are anti-natalist, but most of us just don’t want to have kids.”
7. “‘Who’s going to look after you when you’re old?’ They asked this while we were literally at work in a care home.”
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8. “I was told that ‘not having kids is selfish.’ I couldn’t believe it when they said it — I was just stunned into silence. When I asked them how not having kids is selfish, they said my parents probably wanted grandchildren. I told them that if my parents only had kids so they could have grandkids, then they had kids for the wrong reasons. All this was coming from a visibly exhausted dad who was clearly fed up with his three kids, which I thought was wild. If you want to have kids, that’s cool. If not, that’s also fine. But don’t try to guilt others into having kids — it’s a choice couples can make themselves.”
“Misery loves company? It sounds like ‘I had to, so you should too,’ in my opinion.”
9. “I was with a childfree friend when a random guy told her she had to have kids to be fully human.”
“A male coworker once told me it’s our whole purpose as women. Somehow, he thought he was empowering women when he said it.”
10. “‘I want grandchildren.’ Well, too bad. We can’t have everything we want in life.”
“My dad loved kids. Being a dad was all he ever wanted, and he excelled at it. I remember the day he sold our childhood train set — the family buying it came over, and he got so excited showing the kid how it all worked. He just loved kids.
Before he died, I apologized that he’d never had any grandkids. I felt guilty. He snorted and said, ‘Look, I’m just glad you’re happy. It’s much better for me that I have happy kids than if I had grandkids, but my kids were unhappy.’ I’ll always remember that.”
11. “‘Just have one so you don’t feel alone.’ But I like feeling alone. It’s quiet and peaceful. I have space to think and feel and travel and write and read. Alone is not the same as lonely. Also, I have a dog.”
12. “‘So then you’ll have to do all the cleaning and garden work by yourself?’ Yes, and free or cheap labor definitely seems like the wrong reason to have kids.”
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13. “‘You’ll never feel real love until you’re a parent.’ So I guess you don’t love your family, your friends, or your partner? Must be a sad life.”
14. “‘You’d make such pretty babies.'”
15. “‘You’re really smart. You need to pass those genes on.’ Mate, I’ve seen smart parents have kids who were about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. There is no guarantee there.”
16. “‘If you have one, you’ll change your mind about them.’ No. I am disabled and have crippling migraines, and baby voices are one of my biggest triggers. Pregnancy does not magically give you a brand-new nervous system that suddenly won’t react to high-pitched noises with pain and vomiting.”
17. “I’m a woman, so apparently I can’t help myself because I’ll eventually feel the urge. I’m 33, and I’m good.”
18. “I’m chronically ill, and a doctor once told me that having a baby would distract me from my debilitating symptoms.”
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19. “‘What if you regret it later?’ No one asks people who want kids if they’ll regret it later. It’s much better to regret not having kids than to regret having them.”
20. “‘What do you have to show for 10 years of marriage?’ My friend’s mother-in-law asked her that on their 10th wedding anniversary while picking up the cake I had made for them.”
21. “‘But you have childbearing hips.’ Uh, thanks? But also, ew. For the record, I’ve had both a bilateral salpingectomy and a hysterectomy.”
22. “‘That’s selfish.’ How is it selfish not to bring another life into the world? Did you ask your child for consent before pulling them out of the void?”
23. “‘I used to think I didn’t like kids, but it’s different when they’re yours.’ Pretty much everything this guy says suggests he deeply resents his kids and everything they’ve ever done. I’m not even sure why he is still angry with them — they have good jobs, good friend groups, and good marriages. The things he complains about are just minor teenage stuff from 20 years ago that he’s blown completely out of proportion.”
Whether someone chooses to have kids or not, it’s a deeply personal decision, and everyone’s reasons are different. What do you think? If you’re childfree by choice, what’s the weirdest reason someone has given you for why you should have kids? Let us know in the comments below!
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